A lot of people think of Disney as just a place for kids. I’ve been to Disney as a kid and I’ve been to Disney as an adult and my secret is, Disney is really for the adults. Just look at the facts: Do kids know anymore who Mickey Mouse is? Are kids tall enough for the best rides? Are kids old enough to appreciate the best meals? Walt Disney World’s secret is being exposed and you might get left behind. Need more proof? Here are 10 rides that adults will love best at the Disney Parks:
10. Kali River Rapids
Kali River Rapids can be found in Animal Kingdom in the Asia area of the park. You travel down a river and witness illegal loggers and see what they are doing to the world around you. Then the river takes over as you make your escape down a 30-foot waterfall. We all know kids can’t survive waterfall drops so clearly this is a ride for adults. Kids belong atop the bridge near the end, dishing out the penalty for taking this ride by your adult self.
9. Primeval Whirl
Primeval Whirl sits in Animal Kingdom inside Dinoland U.S.A. The ride is reminiscent of carnival rides back before everyone got scared of the danger they posed. The Disney ride is safer than those old rides but no need to tell the kids that. You’ll be more comfortable in your small cart that jerks and spins you around with the dinosaur time travel story in your ears.
8. Test Track
Test Track is obviously for adults because kids can’t drive cars. The ride sits inside Epcot’s Test Track Pavilion before jetting you out to the open course to ride. You soar around at 60 mph before narrowly avoiding a crash.
7. Mission: SPACE
Mission: SPACE is all about heading off to space, something you don’t see kids doing. Head over to Epcot’s Mission: SPACE pavilion to accept the challenge. The ride involves spinning and simulation as you prepare for a manned flight to Mars. Let kids and other trainees take the Green team route, a less intense training session. You’ll want to try the Orange team, the original that features forces of 2.4 G.
6. Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster
Over in Disney’s Hollywood Studios on Sunset Boulevard, there’s a roller coaster featuring Aerosmith. Do kids listen to Aerosmith? I don’t think so! Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster blasts you from 0 to 60 mph in 2.8 seconds. You’ll experience 4.5 G as you swoop around the track, that’s more than Mission: SPACE. The ride plays music as you ride in your “stretch limo” to an Aerosmith concert. It’s a blast and only adults will truly enjoy it.
5. Space Mountain
Space Mountain takes place in a dark enclosed building in Magic Kingdom’s Tomorrowland. It’s the oldest operating roller coaster in Florida and we all know how kids hate old things. The ride sends you out into space with only stars and meteors to light up your path and may be too scary for young children.
4. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
The trains on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad are possessed with spirits of old gold miners killed by a passing flood. I’m not a parent but I don’t think I’d let my kids ride on a possessed train. This ride is full of twists and turns and goes indoors as well as outdoors. Try this train during the day and at night for a truly scary experience. You’ll find this ride over in Magic Kingdom’s Frontierland.
3. Splash Mountain
Stick around in Frontierland and experience one of Magic Kingdom’s wettest rides. Splash Mountain follows the characters from Disney’s Song of the South, a movie which hasn’t been released since the 1980s. If kids don’t know about the movie, you won’t want them tagging along and ruining all your fun. So ditch the kids and fly down a 5-story waterfall and wind up soaked. You can bring the kids along if you want, but have them sit to the right or the front to really get drenched while you smile in your dry clothing.
2. Tower of Terror
The Twilight Zone‘s Tower of Terror is based on the show of the same name, a show kids today haven’t ever watched. The ride takes place in The Hollywood Hotel set on Sunset Boulevard in Disney’s Hollywood Studios, though its elevator will take you to the fifth dimension. Kids can go on the ride, just as a test so you’ll know if you’ll make it back from the fifth dimension unharmed. Your ride will feature ghosts, a vortex, and multiple drops. The ride changes each time so be prepared to let the kids sacrifice themselves as much as necessary.
1. Expedition Everest
We return once more to Animal Kingdom’s Asia region for Expedition Everest. I don’t want to tell you how to raise your kids, but I’m not sure heading for Mt. Everest to find the abominable snowman and instead be chased by a Yeti after it rips the tracks out from under you is appropriate. Disney will be the first to correct me and insist that this is a family ride but I’m fairly certain this is only a trick. I realize though that to escape the Yeti you won’t need to be faster than the yeti, you’ll just need to be faster than the children brought by their families as sacrifice to the Yeti. If you don’t believe me, look no further than the line queue: it shows statues to which locals offer sacrifices to and the locals know. They know.